The anatomy of a perfect date
There's a world of difference between a mediocre night at the theatre and a transcendent one. We've all experienced both: that lukewarm performance where you check your watch and wonder if the second act could possibly redeem the first, versus that spellbinding production where time ceases to exist and you're transported to another world. Recently, I’ve experienced both sides of the coin. One show that left me somewhat underwhelmed was The Years- I’m sorry Eline Arbo but your production did not tickle my theatrical sweet spots (thank god I had excellent company to keep the evening exciting). Jamie Lloyd’s Much Ado, however, was so outrageously good that it left me agape (and, full disclosure, fantasising about a date with Tom Hiddleston and Zawe Ashton, who wasn’t even in the play, but they’re married, and that’s hot).
Emerging from those delicious reveries, I traced the elements that elevated the second show from mere entertainment to transformative experience – and it struck me that dates follow the same principles as a show. Much like a great night at the theatre, seduction is an art form with its own dramatic structure. The careful building of anticipation, the well-timed surprises, the masterful control of tension and release – all choreographed with the audience's pleasure as the singular focus. The revelation was simple: exceptional dates, like exceptional theatre, are crafted experiences rather than happy accidents. Intrigued? Take your seats, silence your phones, and let’s explore the anatomy of an unforgettable rendezvous.
The art of anticipation: planning is sexy
A night at the theatre begins long before stepping foot in the auditorium, and it goes without saying that a great date begins long before the first touch. In other words: planning is key. The first step? Choosing the performance and securing your ticket; feeling the rush that comes with browsing a smorgasbord of performers and considering who will take centre stage in your night.
But it’s not just about who you’ll be seeing; where everything unfolds is equally vital. Whether it’s Scarfes bar with their seats you can get lost in; a suite at The Emory with the perfect amount of soft furnishings to enjoy; or even the sauna at Raffle’s Spa where clothes (and inhibitions) become optional, these details aren’t just backdrop but active participants in the evening’s narrative – much like Chekhov's gun but significantly sexier. The right mise-en-scène can transform an ordinary evening into something truly cinematic; a scene so vividly etched in your mind that you’ll be replaying it long after the curtain has fallen (and, hopefully, laying the groundwork for a sequel).
Once the when, where, and with whom are all dealt with, the only question left is whether you’ll be giving a standing ovation by the end of the night. With the date firmly in your calendar, before you know it you'll be enveloped in the warm, electric hum of an audience settling into their seats. There's the gentle rustling of programs, the low murmur of voices filled with expectation, and that intoxicating moment of possibility just before the curtain rises. There’s a reason a symphony doesn’t start with the crescendo, and a chef doesn’t start with dessert. The build-up is half the pleasure, promising something very much worth the price of admission.
The grand entrance
It’s been said that first impressions are everything, and I’m inclined to agree. Just as a show's opening number sets the tone and (hopefully) hooks its audience, a well-executed entrance dictates the entire evening's mood. Warmth, a knowing smile, the perfect outfit that says, 'I dressed up just for you, but this will look equally good draped over your hotel chair' – it's all part of the allure. And if you’ve contributed to the costume department? Even better. Whether it’s a voucher slipped into my inbox with a ‘pick your favourite from Bordelle’, or a spontaneous shopping trip to pick up something that I’ll love to wear and you’ll love to remove, there’s something irresistible about sartorial collaboration. I do love a production with good wardrobe design.
That said, the entrance isn’t just about the look. Whether you’re arriving with the confident ease of a seasoned performer or the shaky charm of opening-night nerves, both have their appeal. A strong opening doesn’t require perfection, just a sense of being present and willing to play your part. Let's get off on the right foot so we can get off even better later.
Interval
Every great performance knows the power of the pause. That moment in the middle of an encounter where time stretches and everything is suspended – the lingering touch before a kiss, the playful game of cat and mouse, the well-timed tease. A masterful date doesn’t rush to the finale; it savours each act, building pace and tension with the precision of a well-practiced playwright who knows that big finishes must be earned. It’s all about holding you at the precipice of pleasure before delivering satisfaction so sublime you’ll both be demanding an encore.
Improv: the magic of unscripted moments
Of course, even the best-planned show needs room for a little improvisation; letting go of the script and embracing spontaneity can lead to an even better adventure than the one on the playbill. A quick detour for a midnight walk or an unexpected tipple at a hidden gem can elevate a three-star date into a five-star knock out.
Climax
I don’t think I need to explain this one. Everything that has been built up to is finally delivered. Tension is released, and the stage is alive with the moment. Surrender to it - a touch of drama never hurt anyone.
Denouement, and the final bow
The best drama doesn’t cut to black immediately after the peak; we bask in it. The gentle descent from the heights of ecstasy, that lingering glow. It's in these moments, when the metaphorical sweat is still cooling on your skin, that the most profound intimacy often emerges. And perhaps our ending is left open - who doesn’t love a cliffhanger?
The house lights are dimming, and I believe that's our cue...shall we take it from the top?